26 Sep Irving Schwartz stories – 3

In his remarks at Irving’s funeral, Dr. Richard Goldbloom, the celebrated Halifax pediatrician who is Irving’s brother-in-law, re-told a story Irving liked to tell on himself.

In the late-90s, the Canadian International Demining Corps, Irving’s mine-removal charity, developed a center to train Mozambicans in the techniques of mine removal. Once up and running, the center was to be turned over to state government. The facility lay deep in the jungle. Irving flew in for the transfer ceremony, together with the state governor and the Mozambican Minister of Land Mine Removal.

Upon landing, the government officials and their aides gathered into a tight circle and chattered away in Portugese. Irving wandered over to a group of workers standing to one side.

“Anyone here speak English?” he asked. One worker raised his hand.

“You tell these fellows,” he said, gesturing to the workers and smiling mischievously, “I write the cheques. When I speak, I want them to applaud.”

The ad hoc translator nodded enthusiastically.

Moments later, the ceremony began. The demining minister spoke for 45 minutes in Portugese, and was met with polite applause. The state governor droned on for an hour. More tepid applause. Irving spoke, in English, for four minutes.

Standing ovation.