Sometimes you gotta love spam

Every once in a while, between pleas from search engine optimizers, deposed African Generals, and cut-rate Viagra pushers, spam coughs up a gem. Like the 5,711-word message I just received from Father Yahweh, yea Jehovah, Most High God, aka Linda Newkirk of Little Rock, Arkansas. It began like this:

It can now be reported that many of the wildfires in the western United States have been started by highly trained and well equipped foreign terrorists. It can also be reported that these terrorists are also responsible for the numerous explosions that occured in Michigan on the 6th and 7th of June 2012. You may not of heard of the Michigan explosions as there has been a news blackout in place.

One of the major explosions in Michigan that sent radiation monitors thousands of times higher in two different locations was the result of a tactical nuclear weapon. The underground nuclear explosion and numerous smaller explosions, that were sometimes heard in rapid succession, were aimed at setting off the New Madrid Fault! The smaller explosions were created with scaler electromagnetic technology. Both the US and the USSR are known to have developed this type of tectonic plate weaponry.

The purpose of this email is to expose those who were behind the attacks. For reports and background information on what actually took place in and around the Michigan Indiana border, visit the following sites. Link here [deleted], and additional link here [deleted].

It has now been revealed that the attacks were carried out by Russian Special Forces who were brought into the USA under the guise of joint training excercises with the US Military. There is plenty of corroborating eyewitness testimony following the prophetic warning you are about to read. There are also descriptions of the expensive motorhomes they are travelling in.

You haven’t heard of those June 6 & 7 Michigan blasts, have you? What more proof do you need? As you may have guessed, the central figure behind this dastardly conspiracy is none other than Barack Obama. Newkirk knows this because T.M., the militant Communist wife of V. M., a “level-headed Russian scientist,” told Tom Fife as much way back in 1992, when none of us had ever heard of Obama. Fife was setting up a software development joint venture in Moscow with scientist-colleagues of V.M.’s when e visited the couple’s flat one evening, and T.M. just blurted the whole thing out.

What if I told you that you will have a black president very soon and he will be a Communist? Yes, it is true. This is not some idle talk. He is already born and he is educated and being groomed to be president right now. You will be impressed to know that he has gone to the best schools of Presidents. He is what you call “Ivy League”. You don’t believe me, but he is real and I even know his name. His name is Barack. His mother is white and American and his father is black from Africa. That’s right, a chocolate baby! And he’s going to be your President.”

Doesn’t that put your worries in perspective?