24 Jun When Phil Marlowe met MoCan

From the brilliant Bill Turpin, via Facebook:

The life of a PI isn’t supposed to be easy. Still, late on a Friday afternoon it’s nice to go across the street for drink.

No such luck. I was reaching across my desk for my fedora when she sashayed in. Mother Canada. The famous MoCan herself. I gave her the once-over but couldn’t see what all the excitement was about. She was a cross between the Virgin Mary and a plastic Jesus.

“What can I do for you, doll-face?” I asked.

“I want to set up shop on your land. You know, to support the troops. Green Cove, I think you call it.”

“Sorry, MoCan. No sale.”

She looked me straight in the eye. Her voice was even, full of menace.

“How would you like me to send you to war and then ignore you when you come home wounded?”

“I can handle that, sweet-chops.”

“What if I grabbed your children and put them in my residential schools? You wouldn’t recognize them when you got them back.”

She had me there. Being a neglected vet was one thing. Losing my kids to an indoctrination camp was another.

“You win, sweetheart,” I said. “Whatever you want.”

And then she was gone.

But that’s MoCan for you. Soft and sexy on the outside, but not so much on the inside. Inside, she’s mean as an angry grizzly and hard as the Canadian Shield.

Bill Turpin is a former editor of the late, lamented Halifax Daily News, and one of the architects of the Environmental Goals and Sustainable Prosperity Act, the high water mark in legislative action to protect the Nova Scotia’s environment.